Clara's new weapon.

it started exactly a week ago. last saturday. i was angry and upset, the reason is not important, so i came to my room to be alone. i had to be alone. i felt so upset, i had to do something! so.. i grabbed something sitting on the shelf of my desk. a screwdriver.. the kind with the sharp tip. and i cut a slit in my wrist. and another. and another. by the time i was finished, i had nine cuts on my wrists, one on my shoulder, and two on my chest. it was a rush while i was cutting. the physical pain drowned out the pain in my heart. but the pain faded. and so did the rush. i just fell to the ground.. i was too ashamed to stand on my own two feet. i lay there for maybe five minutes.. and then put on a long sleeved shirt and went back downstairs. i didnt want anyone to know what i had done. but Mimi asked what was going on, she could tell something was off. and I couldn't lie to her. we went to her room, and i showed her my wrists. she held me while I cried. Mimi supported me and took care of me that day, encouraging me to tell my parents and then even telling them for me. My parents were so kind too. I am so blessed to have such a family. i decided to never cut again.. i had to do it for the ones who love me.
 I had not thought about the aftermath of the cutting. my wrists ached that night... with a dull, tired ache. at school that monday, i wore long sleeves, and carefully hid my cuts from the world. it was hard to hide them all this week. eight people in all have noticed, to six of them i told the truth. to the other two, i did not answer. i could not lie about this, so i said nothing.
my cuts are fading into scars.
but Clara has this new weapon. every day since, i have been tempted to cut again. i crave the release of the pain. i've been doing the butterfly project to help resist this temptation. with the butterfly project, you draw a butterfly on the place where you are tempted to cut. then, you name it after someone you love very much. this makes it so you don't want to cut there anymore, because you'd kill the butterfly. and if you kill one, you kill them all. it's basically just a reminder that cutting yourself breaks the hearts of the ones you love.
i'll keep trying to resist these temptations. and keep praying.