ED Awareness week (february 24-march 2)

Today begins the first day of annual Eating Disorder Awareness Week! I've been kind of excited about this for a while.
I think people have a hard time understanding eating disorders, and I just think it's so cool that there's a week just for making people understand!

Eating disorders are sad, because so many people who suffer from them have no support system. I know I have a hard time eating in front of people. I think eating is one of the more disgusting things people do in front of each other. And I think this is what we feel like we look like when we eat:

But we're wrong,
And most people don't feel that way. And for someone who views food as an enemy, not understanding can be scary at the beginning. I think this week should also be especially for praying for the people with eating disorders. We can all be connected through prayer. Because life is beautiful, and I think this week should be about celebrating life.
Be Aware!!!
<3

things to make smiles:

1: Teresa's baby is coming any day now.
2: i found this awesome, adorable song, and learned it on the guitar! so fun! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvMVCHhwTPs
3: 'nuff said. babies are the best.

Hard days

It's easy to tend to beat ourselves up for the things we can't help. Right now, my parents are handling this very badly.. I can't count the times I've been threatened with losing privileges in the past week. The week I've been eating as much as possible even though I've been throwing up everything I've eaten. I'm  losing my trust in myself and my family. Our relationships are deteriorating, and honestly, it's breaking my heart. I don't know why they can't just stop handling this situation with anger, when I'm trying my very hardest to get better. I'm just praying for the day we finally get to a new psychiatrist, and they can begin to understand. i don't know how much longer I can handle this.
The temptations to cut are stronger than they've ever been... I've been able to resist them ever since the one bad day. Thank God. But with all the hatefulness in this house, I don't know how much longer i can keep it up.
More prayers, please.
<3

relapse.

So, i messed up today. I was really upset because my antibiotics for a cough I had last week have been making me throw up, so it's been really hard to keep any food down. And I cut my wrists, pretty badly.
But here's the thing!
This is Lent, right? the time when we're supposed to be sacrificing our hurts and pains together with Christ. and even though these cuts are self-inflicted, they still hurt. And good can still come of them, right? So I've decided to offer up the pain resulting from the cutting, for Christ. To make up for the fact that I did it myself. This can be a time of healing, if I make it that.

God is good, and He will help me through  this time.
<3

true beauty, and a new song!

My cousin-in-law just sent me this book the other day.. it's called The True Beauty Challenge... Here's how it works!
step one: choose two items of makeup!
Step two: put everything else away!
step three: read the daily meditations.

those aren't exactly the steps... but close enough. I'm actually really excited.

also, i just heard this song the other day, and i thought i'd post it.. its so gorgeous! I don't usually love pink, but this song is the prettiest one I've heard in awhile. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gwx4iTRLXG8
so pretty!

Valentines Day!

......I thought so too, the first time i decided to be my own valentine this year. I mean.. what other choice do I have? It's me or no one. And everyone deserves a valentine! So.. me. What a lousy valentine, huh? But by thinking this, I wasn't being a very good valentine. So I decided to be nice to myself. Today, I intend to call myself beautiful, all day long. And take only the best care of myself!

I think this really is one of the most important things we need to learn in this life.. To love ourselves the way we'd like to be able to love others. Because... I really think the golden rule goes both ways. Do to others as you would have them do to you, and do to yourself as you would have others do to you.
Today, I am learning to love myself!

MUAH!

Happy Ash Wednesday!

Today is the first day of Lent!
I'm deciding to make today the first day of my complete recovery.
It should be easy, right? Not easy, maybe, but at least right. It's time to let go of my old habits.
<3

:)

it's just a number! :D

you are beloved!

*a child of God.

Whenever we feel insufficient, that is the time when we must come out of the hole of our own self-pity. That is when we must be humble enough to realize that by ourselves, it is true. We are without merit. But we must realize, also, that we are loved by a great and just God. We are created in His own image, in His love, under His protection. You are sufficient, you are good enough, you are beautiful.

Life is a ride.

I wonder where that ladybug is headed. She may be afraid, but maybe she's on her way to someplace very special! 

Maybe... maybe we're all like that ladybug. Alone on a puffy seed, tossed wherever the wind may choose to take us. If we struggle against it, we may throw it off course, and end up in the wrong place! So the only thing to do is to hang on tight and enjoy the ride. Stay true to who you are. 

And thank God when you end up in a beautiful place :)

happy day!

So... I think I'm getting better. Actually, I'm sure I am. The urges to skip meals are still here, but even when I have the chance to do it without getting caught, I choose to eat instead. I am growing much stronger, thank God, thank my family, thank my friends. I think maybe, just maybe, i'm beginning to find my own "light from within." And the little things, the pounds gained, the extra three bites, are ceasing to matter so much. And I am learning to enjoy these things instead of focusing on them, and blowing them way out of proportion. I am learning to become more joyful, more secure.
I must keep praying, but I think I'm getting much closer to the end of this war.