Love.

So... love is tricky. As a normal 17 year old girl, I have time and time again experienced the whirlwind of pride, mind games, and drama that is the high school romance. And as someone dealing with ED and self-harm, I know that for girls such as me, things are made even harder. We have a fear of rejection, an unwillingness to trust, and hearts that love with a clinging passion which can only end in pain.
I have believed for years that I needed a man to love me in order to love myself...

May I just call bullshit?


I am not a mother, but I have two little girls. Johnny told me that today. He's the best big brother I could ask for... Number One. My best friend Joseph and I went to the park today and sat on a bench and just talked and sat and laughed. Number Two. I have my sweet two little girls, Charlotte and Kateri. I have my little nephew and the little mystery on the way. Numbers Three, Four, Five, and Six. I have three beautiful sisters, who are always there for me and ready and willing to talk. Teresa. Number Seven. Laura. Number Eight. Mimi. Number Nine. And who could forget my nuisance of a little brother, who I would honestly do anything for... Number Ten.
And my parents are The unit of Number 11.



Just like that, I have 11 (technically 12) whole reasons to keep on living. Today, a good and true friend told me I should never feel like disappearing. That I am loved. I am loved. Who needs an empty romance with some guy who doesn't even want me?
Not me.

I am waiting.

And meanwhile, I am loving myself. Sooo... suck it, users and backstabbers and the ones who have left me behind. I have a better man waiting somewhere, whom I have yet to meet, and who will love me like you never could.